The other day, my sons were running around naked – not a surprise – and as they launched themselves off high surfaces, I screamed “Protect the pee pee!”
Yep. Visions of that male part of their anatomy getting hurt caused a shudder. I find I say this a lot lately, and they have taken to using the adage to each other when they try something dangerous.
A few days ago, my older son declared he wanted to be like me and read “adult” books. He knows I sit in my favorite chair with my Kindle and books stacked to the side and read while I watch television every night. Now, he is a huge reader, so I thought it was cute when he dragged out his Backyardigans chair, set it up next to mine, and disappeared into my office to obtain an adult book.
And came out with a stack of romance novels.
They happened to be a few Harlequin books. Babies and sheiks dominated the covers. “Umm, honey, I don’t think you’ll like them. How about getting a Stephen King or Dean Koontz novel – something scary?”
He shook his head. “No, I like these.” He read the titles himself, beamed, and held the first one up. “What is this one about, mommy?”
I smiled weakly. “Well, that one is about a man and a woman who have a fight. Then they get married.”
“Oh, that sounds good. And this one?” He lifted the second with a man holding a baby.
“Umm, that’s about a daddy taking care of a baby!”
“OK, I’ll read these two.”
I sat down and tried to read. He read the beginning, skimming the words, then picked a page at the center. “Mommy what does this word mean? BREASTS???”
I grabbed the book. “Come here, honey, I have a grown up Wizard of Oz book your aunt bought you.”
My other conversations this week revolved around rationally explaining why they can’t drag both their mattresses, prop them up, pour water on them, and create their own water slides in their bedroom. I spend hours debating the pros and cons of each super hero and their powers., until I can’t tell if Superman and Batman are real. I think now they are. We recently discussed how vampires like to drink blood for consumption, and how that is a reasonable thing to do since they are not human, as long as they don’t actually hurt people while doing this.
My final contribution? Both of my boys recently announced they would be winning a huge outdoor playground set for their school. When I worriedly asked where they got this idea, they pointed gleefully to the Danimals commercial which showed children winning this item for their school. When I checked the kitchen, I found eight open containers of Danimals sucked dry. They explained they had to eat a lot of them in order to win, just like the commercial. I spent valuable time trying to rationalize the way commercials sometimes “lie” and “stretch the truth” and that just because they eat 8 tubs of yogurt this does NOT mean they will get a playground.
Needless to say, they were both in the bathroom for hours that night.
Do you have ridiculous conversations with your children? Please share – I think we all need a laugh this week. Click on the above number to comment.