Our apologies, but due to circumstances beyond his control bestselling author Dave Farland, who was scheduled to be our guest today, is unavailable. The good news is that he promises to share a Bad Daddy story with us later this month so please be watching for that. In the meantime…
Among the Antelope
I’d curled my hair and rouged my lips, donned a dignified pair of slacks, smart blouse, and stylish shoes. My usual writer’s uniform of faded shorts and uncombed hair wouldn’t do today. I rarely go to my children’s high school, my kids being the independent and competent kind, but today my presence was required. This was a mandatory meeting for all parents whose children wished to take dual credit high school/college classes. I would be meeting with my children’s counselors and teachers.
My kids had both had special morning events to attend and so had driven themselves to school earlier. I steered my car through the morning drop-off chaos and found a parking place in the visitor’s lot. I made my way through the teen crowded halls, smiling broadly despite the looks I was getting – as if I were a zebra who’d wandered into a herd of antelope. Had they never seen a parent before?
A familiar face appeared in the crowd. “Hello, Miss Regina!” said the handsome football player I’d known and loved since he was eight. He asked politely about my daughter, who has had a big crush on him off and on for years, and we talked for a moment. The zebra among antelope feeling grew stronger. I got the impression there was something he wanted to say but didn’t quite know how to say it. I glanced at my watch.
“Great to see you, but I have to run,” I said. “I have a parents’ meeting.”
“Uh, okay, but…Miss Regina…uhm, okay,” he said as I hurried off.
The room was already crowded when I arrived. I chatted with other parents as we waited in line to introduce ourselves to our children’s school counselor and the college instructors. Again I felt zebra-ish and a horrible thought struck me. I fished in my purse for a breath mint, then sucked it while trying to breathe out as little as possible. The counselor seemed distracted when I finally got to shake her hand, but she said wonderful things about my children so I was glowing as I took my seat in the auditorium. Still, I couldn’t shake that zebra feeling.
I breathed into my palm and surreptitiously sniffed. Nope. Minty fresh. I relaxed a little.
The mandatory meeting was informative and, after standing in more lines and filling out pages of forms, an hour later I was back in my car heading home and puzzling over my zebra-ish morning. I decided to stop on the way to pick up groceries. I was about to enter the store when I caught sight of my reflection in the massive glass windows.
“Really, Mom, everyone thinks you’re insane!” my daughter complained when she got home from school that afternoon. “It wasn’t sooo awful that you went to school like that, that you talked to my teachers and counselors and friends’ parents like that. But why, why, why did you have to talk to HIM (her hunky football player crush) with YOUR PANTS ON INSIDE OUT?”
(Bad Mommy!)
Have you ever embarrassed your kids in front of their teachers, friends and crushes? Please share by clicking on the number near the title of this post.
This is funny! I can see this happening. Its just an ordinary day in your adventurous life. The thing is, the older I get, the less I think of my parents as embarrassing, and the more I think you’re simply eccentric. At least that’s what I tell my friends. It’s mostly a good thing, I think.
You tell your friends I’m eccentric???
Actually, I think I sorta like that. Beats embarrassing…or insane.
Hey Regina,
Great story, Regina. Of course I’ve never done anything like this..well there was the time I got to the doctor’s office, hopped up on the examining table and realized I was wearing shoes that didn’t match. But I had a friend – the nurse at my children’s school- and she she got to work and realized she’d was wearing a slip without the skirt. I love stuff like this!
Hi Marty,
Mismatched shoes? I thing we’re kindred spirits! Thanks for coming by.
OMG, you got me so good! I was laughing my a– off, but not AT you my dear Regina, WITH you! My kids are young enough not to care yet…but it’s a coming. Let me share my secret now: I am dropping my child off at prek with no makeup, glasses, old clothes, and my hair not brushed. Yep…I see embarassing moments in their future big time. I love this story!
You are such a clever LOL writer, Regina. But you so did not do this. I have trouble with zippers anyway, and if the pants were inside out, I’d never get them hooked. This is not to imply I never embarrased my kids. For certain sure I did. Blessedly, those incidents are no longer found in my memory for easy (or even not so easy) access. Nor am I about to ask them to recall any of those times. LOL Marsha
Yep, Marsha, I really did this. I know. Insane.
I wish I could say I’d only done it once, but dh and kids can attest I’ve done it multiple times, though usually it’s a shirt or jacket and not my pants. I’ve only worn my pants inside out a dozen or so times that I can remember. And only once or twice did I get them on backwards as well as inside out.
What can I say? My mind is engaged otherwhere.
It would probably help if I stopped buying the pants with the zipper plus elastic backband. That elastic backband means I never have to use the zipper. I can just pull them on like sweat pants which just adds to the likelihood that I’ll get it wrong.
Hey Jen,
Did you read that article on the net recently about a school instituting a dress code for parents dropping off their kids – no pajamas, slippers, etc.?
Don’t they want the kids to get to school on time? What utopian fantasy are they living in, huh?
Too funny, Regina! You could say all the cool moms wore their pants inside out when you were a kid! Pretty soon it will be a new fashion trend and it will be all your fault!!!
I used to threaten my kids with going into school in my pajamas – without makeup! (Horror of horrors!) But they all knew I wouldn’t do it….
Hi Wendy,
I’m glad I’m not the only one. Actually last week I was at a meeting where an incredibly elegant woman – hair, nails, jewelry, shoes, makeup, skirt, all perfect – was wearing the prettiest little sweater inside out. When someone told her she simply took it off (she was wearing a cami tee underneath) and put it on right side out without the slightest hint of embarrassment. That is cool elegance!
LOL, Regina. I think I embarress my kids everytime I open laugh (I have a very loud laugh). I’ve done backwards shirts, inside out shirts, and different socks. Two days ago at work I sat on chocolate icing and walked around ALL DAY with it on my pants – no one said a thing. Fortunately, kids have no knowledge of this particular event LOL.
Hi Aimee,
Chocolate pants. That’s a trend I could get behind – pun intended.
I think the big issue with wearing your clothing inside out is people wondering what exactly was the cause of you having to dress with such haste that you didn’t realize it…is there more to this story? Or are you saving that for another blog post???
Very funny story. Just another day in the life of Regina Richards.
I agree a lot with Keith. The older I get the less embarrassing I find my parents.
You’d think I was dresing in haste wouldn’t you? But I am one of those chronically on time people so I can’t blame haste. No, I’m just that way. If I am thinking about something, my interest in what’s going on inside my head is more engaging than whatever is or should be going on outside my head.
As Keith kindly put it, I’m probably a bit eccentric at times.
Hi Charlie,
Glad to hear the embarrassment is lessening with age. I wonder if that’s because:
A) you’ve just grown used to it
B) you’ve realized as you’ve gotten out into the world that weird parents aren’t so bad as long as they’re good parents.
C) you are slowly becoming more like your parents (yikes!) and so don’t find their eccentricities so eccentric anymore
D) you’ve become a self-confident man who’s less concerned with what others do or think and more concerned with he does and thinks himself.
Knowing you, I’d vote that it’s D.
BTW congrats on the increase in the number of your command! Ca’t wait to see you in those dres whites at March In!
It is your god given right, nay sacred duty, to embarrass your child. Next time look bored and tell your daughter if she doesn’t behave you’ll do it again. Funny post! -Kelly
Use my weirdness as leverage, huh? I hadn’t hought of that. I like it!
Thanks for stopping by Kelly.
Oh God, this SLAYED ME. I love that you shared it. I do this sort of shit all the time. I laughed out loud. You poor, poor zebra.
This is a great story, and I love that it really happened! Years ago I was hosting a dressy family event, and after everyone had gone home, my mom’s friend took me aside and told me that my lace top was on inside out! Fortunately, I don’t think anyone else noticed, and you can’t tell in the pictures! Fate has brought us together!