By: Wendy S. Marcus
Do you ever think about leaving? About packing up and moving into your very own condo? Where everything will be exactly where it should be? Where empty boxes won’t be left in the pantry or freezer leading you to believe they still hold food? Where that beautiful almost-ripe banana you’d planned to have with lunch will be right there waiting for you? Where there will always be toilet paper at the ready because you wouldn’t think of leaving an empty cardboard tube and no refill within reach? Where when you talk (to yourself) you listen and actually do what needs to be done – because you’re the only one there to do it? Where you can work – without interruption – for as long as you want and not worry about cooking dinner or doing laundry or transporting children or writing notes/checks or nagging children to study or listening to complaints about the heat, mean teachers or stomach ailments? Where you don’t walk in on your son playing Xbox after you’d specifically told him NO XBOX UNTIL AFTER FINAL EXAMS and then get into an argument where you are forced to remind him (at the top of your lungs) that he didn’t listen to your nagging prior to his physics mid-term or his SATs and did not do as well as he could have on either? Where you don’t have to fight with your daughter ABOUT EVERY-FREAKIN-THING?
That’s where I am right now….one step away from hunting down the real estate listings in the local newspaper.
I won’t go through with it, of course. But it’s a nice dream. A home of my own where I can blast Carrie Underwood, eat salad every night if I want to, and never feel obligated to bathe.
I love my family. Very much. But boy do I need a vacation – from them.
Two more weeks and I’ll have one – well kind of. In two weeks I’ll be meeting up with Jen and Aimee for the RWA – Romance Writers of America – annual conference in NYC. (And we’ll be drunk dialing Regina (make sure you give us your phone number Regina!)) I am having a hard time containing my excitement.
So what do you do when you’ve had enough? When you are a tired mommy on the verge of losing it? When you’ve taken all you can tolerate and even the tiniest infraction sets you off on a tirade of epic proportions? When you’re teetering on the brink of screaming, “I don’t want to do this anymore?” (Or am I the only one who’s ever felt like that?)
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I. Love. This. Post.
I feel this way regularly!
A chant begins in my head. I am not your maid, I am not your maid, I am a person too, I am not your maid…
But I’m too much of a coward to start screaming it. i want to. But I don’t. Instead I get on the internet and go to the Lands of Oklahoma and Texas sites and dream of buying a plot, building a tiny, tiny house on it – the sort you could clean top to bottom in under 45 seconds – and then I’d sneak off there to write and breathe the lovely air of real personhood.
Of course when the hubby and kids see me drawing up plans and searching sites they all think that it’s a terrific idea. In fact they’ll come with me, it’ll be fun. Which is code for “there is no escape…wherever you go, we’re going too…and we’re bringing our laundry”.
REGINA!
I think only you could make me smile after the day I’ve had!!! If you were here I’d hug you.
Now. Tell me more about these sites you visit. Let’s get a duplex. I’ll clean the top you can clean the bottom. And we won’t do laundry. Ever. When stuff smells to the point we make each other gag, we’ll just order new stuff. Because we’ll be rich because we won’t have to spend all our money on our kids!!!
LOL! Oh BOY do I feel your pain, Wendy. My dream home is a quiet cabin in the woods with a wood stove and a lovely mountain view – which I currently live in . . . but with the rest of my family as well
Yes, I think every mother on the planet feels this way from time to time.
Hey Aimee and Wendy,
Aren’t you both in the medical field? Do you have access to some of those paper gowns medical facilities sometimes use for patients they don’t plan to keep too long? We could take some of those to our tiny, tiny house and when they start to stink, we’ll just grab a can of beer and kick back while we burn ‘em in the wood stove. That way we’re not being lazy, we’re being Green.
I’ll bring the beer and you bring the paper dresses.
Oh, wait a minute, like Wendy said we’ll be rich since we won’t be spending money on our kids so forget the beer. Wine coolers.
Hi Aimee!
At least I’m in good company! I have to admit, as much as I love the mountains, we’ll have to have a summer cottage on a lake. I find the water very relaxing.
Hi Regina!
I don’t work in a medical setting anymore, but I’m a wiz with Google. I just did a search for paper medical gowns and found these: Avalon Premium Exam Gowns
•Box of 50
•3-Ply
•Mauve
$20.00
Mauve is a pretty color. We’re all set. I’m good with beer or Smirnoff Ice. (I’ll bring the bottle opener and the matches!) Sounds like a plan!!!
P.S. I’m feeling better already!!!
OMG!! I suddenly don’t feel so bad anymore. I’m having one of those “it’s not just me” moments. I would miss my kids way too much to actually do it, but to have a little hideaway someplace would be heaven. Someplace always clean and where I can find all my things. And, most importantly, where I can write in peace.
But not in the woods – way too scared of spiders for that. A penthouse though would be great. A small one – I don’t want to be greedy. LOL!
Hi Tara!
I would miss my kids, too – glutton for punishment that I am. They really are great kids. It’s just there are three of them. And one of me. Maybe that’s where I went wrong! And to be honest, if you add in my husband and the dog I am grossly outnumbered!
Loving the penthouse idea…overlooking a lake or the beach. With a sexy male neighbor who’s handy with tools.
A penthouse! Now you’re talkin’. But only if it comes with a maid. And a butler. And beer. Are you allowed to drink beer in a penthouse?
Actually I’m not a big drinker so if we’re going for a penthouse fantasy I’ll substitute caviar sprinkled over lobster bisque.
I’m glad you’re feeling better, Wendy.
And I admit I’d miss my hubby and kids too. Though I doubt if I’d be allowed to miss them for long. I bet they’d find me when they ran out of milk and lunch meat and clean plates. They’re clever like that.
Reading through the post, I kept thinking, “How does Wendy know I feel like this?” LOL! But yes, at times only.
Otherwise, like this for instance…I was setting up the cover of When One Night Isn’t Enough, and my three year old GD kept pestering me for the lolly-pop the cover model is holding. Then I showed her the French cover and asked her, “What’s in her tummy?” and her reply…The Lollypop!!
I love her!
My husband is pretty good in the kitchen. And my children can fend for themselves if absolutely necessary. It’s the laundry that’s a constant issue. And managing where everyone needs to be and when. And locating lost items that aren’t anywhere. I’m guessing I have a 98% success rate.
Hi Nas!
I didn’t know you had a GD! How cute. The model on my french book cover would need dozens and dozens of lollipops to make her belly that big. And yes, I’m guessing a lot of moms who love their families feel like getting away at times. It’s the actual getting away that’s the problem. There never seems to be a good time. Which is why I’m glad this writers conference kind of forces me to do it.
Thanks for stopping by!
I swear you ladies are reading my mind. Is there a hidden microphone in my house I don’t know about?
I R-E-A-L-L-Y need a vacation and a big old margarita light on the ice and mix. Hence, I need some serious tequila. Hopefully, I can do that without serious embarrassment at Nationals. Looking forward to seeing everyone.
When I need to get away, I usually turn on my iPod. I just added Working Girl to my iPod today. It’s such an inspirational movie to me. Music as well. Anyone remember Richard Marx?
Abbi
Hi Abbi!
Aimee, Jen and I will make sure you don’t embarass yourself! At least anymore than we do!!! We’re your friends no matter what happens when you drink too much tequila! And of any of us, you deserve it right now. Are you in your new house yet?
Can’t wait to see you! Hang in there. Two more weeks!!!
Hi Wendy,
Well, what can I say – I sooooooooooooooo agree! I’ll be in on the penthouse with maid and butler (and chef, too?) My bugbear is cleaning. I used to tolerate it but now I hate it. Make that HATE it!
Laundry doesn’t worry me though, not since I started using cloth zip bags so I can wash whites and colours (that don’t run) together in the same load, or black and colours together. I have eliminated a few washloads per week…. I just re-read this and realize how pityful I sound…
HUGS from Down Under
Serena
Hi Serena!
Maid and butler works for me!!! I’m not a fan of cleaning, either. And you don’t sound pitiful at all. You sound resourceful! And that’s good.
I’ve got to go throw in a load of laundry before I get to work. Apparently my daughter is out of shorts. Again.
Thanks for stopping by!
Wendy frankly I’m a little jealous of your Romance Writer’s of America getaway. I think you get to go to these “conferences” to get more material for your romances! (-: I bet you will have a Swedish male waiter serving you cocktails with long Fabio-hair and he’ll become one of your characters? (-:
I get away once in a while on my own – it’s always nice to get away but it’s nicer to come home again. (-: Have FUN on your getaway!
Hi Ado!
RWA is the more sedate of the national writers conferences. Some have the cover models walking around and actually have contests involving them!!! I need to attend one to find out how all that works!!
Thanks for stopping by!
Wendy, this cracked me up. I too am having one of those “oh thank goodness it’s not just me” moments. I always think, “Does it make me a horrible mother that I want to run away from home right now?” lol Sadly, I don’t have any place else TO go, no family close by to escape to, and no money to go anywhere, so I’m stuck here (Yup, I’m jealous of that conference too!). I usually retreat into a book or put headphones on, play music really loud and do the “la la la can’t hear you” for a while. Sometimes I take long bubble baths.
Nope, you are definitely not alone in that one!
Hi Joanne!
Taking a long bath sounds great! Retreating into a book has worked for me on MANY occasions. You just have to find your quiet time. Whatever works. Even the movie of my choice, alone, would work. Next year national is in California. You should definitely plan to go! I attended my first RWA conference last year and it was a blast!
Thanks for stopping by!
OK, I am late to the party but this post was meant for me!!! Just sat down to read my favorite blog – 4 bad mommies – and my little one climbed into my lap, swatted my mouse away, and began demanding things. Aghghgh! He’s on me all day. Most of the time I love it. Most. One night I lost it because my husband just kept looking stupid and pretending not to know anything, and my kids demanded a million things, and I yelled “That’s it! Mommy’s leaving! I’m getting a hotel room now!” Dead silence. Then my two boys spoke up at once and together. “We’re coming with you mommy! You can’t leave us.” Plan over.
My dream place? Cape May, NJ. My favorite. A beach house with a rocking chair, wine in one hand, book in another. Ocean breeze, so quiet I can hear the horses hooves as they trot by in carriages. Sheer perfection. Until then, I am partying it up with my favorite people at RWA – and counting down the days. OMG, just realized I will get to sleep by myself! Wendy will be in the other bed and I don’t even care if she snores!!! No kids in the bed! Alcohol and writing and chatty women – LOVE it!
Hi Jen!
“We’re coming with you!” That is too funny. I visited Cape May once and it is beautiful! So now I’m visualizing lots of happy places – in the mountains with Amy, by the ocean with you, a penthouse with Tara, anyplace on Fiji with Nas, a bar drinking magaritas with Abbi, downunder with Serena, the Amish country with Ado, someplace with loud music (and sunshine) with Joanne, and in a tiny abode wearing paper clothes with Regina. Each one sounds fantastic!
” in a tiny abode wearing paper clothes with Regina”.
Er, sshh…no one tell her, but that Regina chick sounds sota nuts. Probably the kids’ fault.
The nuttier the better! I can always go for a good laugh!!!
You know, that tiny abode wearing paper clothes is sounding better and better. *stares at pile of laundry with disgust*
But you do know that Nas *no longer a chick* so, old hen? could make you live right on the beach in a cabana with special cabana boys for er…special massage and to bring you pina colada! That’s margarita and or rum mixed in coconut cream served in hollowed out pineapples!
Hi Nas!
Chick or hen you still meet the requirment of FUN!!! And the cabana boys and ‘special massages’ totally work for me!!!! If only Fiji weren’t so far away!!
Jennifer and everyone!
I am so in need of a mommy vacation, I mean a girlfriend vacation, or even a girl’s night out. I love being a mom and wife…..but I do miss the carefree days. It is my hope to have one in a few weeks!! You are not alone. Pray for me and I’ll pray for you. Mom-vacation for everyone!!
Hi Optimistic Mom!
When my children were young I was too tired to go out or felt guilty leaving them with my husband while I went out to have a good time with the girls. Come to think of it, at the time, I was so wrapped up in my growing family, I didn’t have any ‘girls’ to go out with even if I’d wanted to. Now that my children are older it’s hard to find the time. But it is so important to make time, at every stage, so you don’t lose yourself.
Whether you choose to go on a mommy vacation, a girlfriend vacation or a girls night out, make a plan and do it! Have a great time! You deserve it!
Thanks for stopping by!